Yes, Your Young Child Can Get Dressed by Themselves—After You’ve Given Them the Right Tools
Have you ever put clothes on a child who is not doing any of it themselves? It’s like lacing a shoe with cooked spaghetti.
Children grow accustomed to having things done for them. There are multiple reasons this is true, but the one we will focus on today is that they are not given the tools they need to become independent. If you hand a 1-year-old a pair of pants and expect them to independently slide the fabric over their legs, you will be disappointed.
Montessori Isn’t About Leaving a Child to Fend for Themselves
A lot of parents who are new to the Montessori philosophy tend to overcompensate. Because they spent a lot of time before learning Montessori doing everything for their children, they will, after learning Montessori, not help their children at all. In an effort to build confidence and independence, they give their children no direction and won’t step in to help when needed.
But there must be a middle ground between doing everything for children and not helping at all when you are truly needed. Children can get easily overwhelmed by having to do it all alone before they are ready. Before they can reach full independence in a task, they must have successful experiences to build confidence.
Create Successful Experiences by Breaking Tasks into Manageable Steps
Start by introducing your child to part of the process by breaking down the actions into small, manageable steps that they are capable of mastering.
A child who doesn’t have hand strength cannot hold the waist of their pants while wiggling their feet inside without fatiguing their muscles. Remember the pain of hand-writing essay exams? There is no way our children will want to continue dressing themselves with a hand cramp like that. When they meet with resistance, a child may not want to try again.
Instead, give your child the chance to pull their own pants up in the front after you have placed their feet inside the legs. Once your child has mastered the skill of pulling up, you can introduce slipping each foot, one at a time, into the pant legs while you hold the waistband. Then your child can independently pull their pants up. Once this is mastered, your child is ready to hold the waistband and place their legs in and pull up.
Make Things Easier with These Manageable Steps
Pants
Pull up the back while the child pulls up the front.
Place pants on the floor, laid out the way they slide on.
Have the child sit in a chair or stool.
Shirt
Dressing: Put the shirt over the child’s head and let them stick arms in.
Undressing: Hold the end of one sleeve so the child can pull their arms in before pulling the shirt off overhead.
Layering: Have the child hold onto the ends of the inner layer’s sleeves before inserting them into the outer layer’s sleeves.
Feet
Bunch socks and stick them over the child’s toes, and then let them pull up over their heel.
Open shoes wide by pulling the tongue out.
Hold the toe of a shoe still while the child wiggles their toes in.
Tips, Tricks, and Items to Use to Aid Independence
Use short, low-ankle socks.
Use handled socks.
Buy loose pants like joggers, NOT LEGGINGS.
Sit in a chair.
Use a shoehorn.
Buy Velcro shoes for full independence until your child can tie laces independently (your child’s teacher will thank you).
Provide the same style of shirt and pants each day, as well as the same shoes so they don’t need to learn different shoes each day.
"Any child who is self-sufficient, who can tie his shoes, dress or undress himself, reflects in his joy and sense of achievement the image of human dignity which is derived from a sense of independence."
—Dr. Maria Montessori
We do things for our children for many reasons: We don’t want them to struggle, we want to get moving faster than they can go, we don’t want them to freak out when they can’t do it.
We must stop and think about the grand scheme of life. We want to raise confident children. We want children who can problem-solve and take care of things for themselves.
These skills can start with getting dressed. It seems small. But this skill can allow children to begin with a foundation of pride in their abilities and a sense of independence.
