Stop Cleaning Up After Your Child When You Could Be Caring for Yourself
We would do anything for our children. Including cleaning up mountains of toys after they have gone to bed. Or spending 20 minutes setting up an activity they use for five minutes and having to do the clean-up alone.
Stop doing all these things. You don’t need this and your children need to take part in this responsibility.
Organization Can Lower Anxiety—for Your Child and Yourself
Organizing your space is not just a trend for minimal living. When your children have an organized space where they work and play, they are more likely to engage for a longer time with the materials you have available.
A place for everything and everything in its place.
- Ben Franklin
A child gains independence when they can access the toys they want because the toys are always in the same space. Anxiety is lower when a child sees a bin for the toys than when they’re in a pile strewn on the floor. Your child will return the items to their place, with guidance, when they are finished.
Start with these organizational tips:
Keep a limited amount of toys available.
Organize the toys in a beautiful way in bins or baskets.
Make sure your child can reach and open the items without assistance.
Limit quantity of things available—like 40 LEGO blocks instead of 80—to keep organized.
Delineate a Space for Completing Activities
In Montessori classrooms the children use work rugs on the floor. This visual boundary gives the child a sense of order and works as a designated physical space where the materials are kept during the time they are being used.
We can do this in our homes, as well. Add a small rug that can be rolled for storage and unrolled before your child chooses their toy. Demonstrate for your child how to unroll it safely on the floor.
When your child is playing, remind them to keep the LEGO blocks on the rug if you find they keep straying to other areas of the room with the toys.
If your activity requires a table, make sure the table is accessible to the child and use the same table every time so your child knows that is the proper space for that activity.
Clean Up the Materials
When your child is finished working with something, make sure they know how to clean up by showing them how. If we expect a child to clean up we must make sure they know how to do it.
We must also make sure that they are capable of doing this by themselves. You may need to make accommodations, like choosing small paint jars instead of pouring the paint from the bottle. You also may need to be present for these clean-up sessions for the first several times to help when needed.
Start with these clean-up tips:
Create a common rule, such as all the LEGO blocks must be separated before putting them in the basket.
Show your child how to properly store items so they won’t be damaged.
Remind your child that when things are put away properly they are ready for the next time they would like to use them.
Create a Sequence of Activity
Prepare yourself to begin and enforce with consistency this new cycle of activity:
Each activity starts from its proper storage place.
The activity is carried to its proper delineated space.
The activity is completed.
The activity is cleaned up.
The activity is replaced where it belongs.
A new activity may be chosen.
Set Expectations for the Whole Home
When you have a sequence of activity in your home you can apply it to everything your child interacts with.
If your child is reading a book, take the book off the shelf, read it on the reading chair, and return it to the shelf before choosing another.
If your child is painting, get an art mat from the art shelf, put on a smock, choose paper from the art shelf, set up the paints, paint, hang the painting, clean the brushes, clean the table, put the mat back, and hang the smock.
Order in the Environment Leads to Internal Order
Our children are processing a lot of outside stimuli. They hear sounds and see visuals that they must sort and process all day long.
When their environment is organized physically it removes one stimuli to sort. When the sequence of how to use materials in your home is consistent a new toy won’t be daunting to start for your child.
"[THE GUIDE] IMPOSES UPON HIM A RULE THAT FORMS THE BASIS FOR ORGANIZED EXTERNAL DISCIPLINE. IT IS EXTREMELY SIMPLE, BUT SUFFICIENT TO GUARANTEE PEACEFUL WORK."
—DR. MARIA MONTESSORI
Sequence of Activity Lowers Stress and Anxiety
Have you observed your child playing nicely and then just suddenly starting to throw the toys? It seems to come out of nowhere. We often jump in to remind our child that “We throw balls; toys are for playing.” But in this instance, we must understand that the child who is throwing toys is stressed.
That stress can come from a variety of sources, but one of the biggest culprits is overstimulation. When we limit the amount of stimuli in the space, the stress is more manageable. If you have all of your toys on the floor, your child will be overwhelmed, no matter their age.
If you take away only one thing from this post, let it be this—do yourself a favor and make a house rule:
We take out one toy at a time.
When your child finishes with a toy, help them clean it up before they choose another. Keep consistent. Be firm. Find peace.
Notice Your Post-Bedtime Self-Care Increase
After you implement this rule in your home, you will find your child-free time is less stressful.
You will be able to read, journal, watch TV, chat with your loved ones.
You will not be cleaning your child’s toys.