How to Emotionally Prepare Your Child—and Yourself—When You’re Moving House
Safety is a paramount need our children have. When we go through a big life change, like moving, we must meet the need of safety by giving children our attention. The best way to provide safety is by being available. When we check in emotionally with our children we provide a safe space for them to feel the hard emotions.
If you need help preparing your child for your move, my preparation blog includes specific tips for before, during, and after your transition
Emotional Support
Make time to check in frequently to see how your child is feeling. Report your own emotions honestly, as well.
Listen without making it about how things will all get better (even if that is true).
Talk about your old place and the things you miss about it. Also talk about all the things you love about your new place.
Expect that your child might not like living where you are living now. Validate these emotions and give them space to feel.
The Prepared Adult
In her work, Dr. Montessori also highlighted the importance of the prepared adult. The adult in the environment must prepare themselves to gracefully accept the challenges of the day while modeling for the child how to respond and reflect on things as they change.
When moving homes, you as the adult must prepare yourself for being present with your child and remaining consistent while also planning and packing to move an entire home.
It’s not easy.
You must first learn what your main stressors are and then make a plan for how you will handle those stressors as they come up. Keep your routine consistent as far as self-care. If you always take a walk each morning, keep that walk so that you can be at your best for yourself and for your child.
Model How to Deal with Emotions
Preparing for a move requires a lot of planning and many things can go wrong. Your child is watching how you respond to each of these situations and can feel your anger, frustration, and stress. Children often assume that those emotions are about them, even when the emotions are not directed at them. It is important to check in with your child and tell them what is going on while also telling them how you are managing your emotions.
“The movers are late and I am feeling angry. I need to jump up and down and shake my hands.”
After you have taken the time to deal with the anger, speak to your child about what is going on and assure them that they are safe and that you will take care of the situation. Then, do your best to continue to manage your anger to show them you are a safe place.
Preparing yourself for the move is really important and really hard. Ask for help as you prepare. If you have a co-parent, take turns being present with your child while the other one packs. Emotionally check in with yourself and your co-parent, as well.
Allow Your Child to Feel Safe Through Connection
When you give your child structure, they will thrive in an uncertain environment. Prepare to be with your child more than you may have been at your old home. They need you to be the constant source of comfort as they acclimate.
You cannot keep your child from struggling, as moving is a great source of stress. But you can provide a consistent and compassionate place for them to feel scared and worried while assuring them you will keep them safe.