Montessori Parenting Part II: What Do I Really Need to Start Montessori Parenting? A Guide to the Prepared Home Environment
So you sifted through the social media Montessori stress and found you truly are excited to start Montessori parenting. Now, what do you really need?
This can be tricky because Montessori philosophy is based on gathering information through observation and then applying that information into the environment.
That sounds harder than it is.
Each Child Is Unique, So Adjust to Your Child’s Needs
Dr. Montessori was a scientist who applied her scientific knowledge to understanding each individual child and identifying that child’s needs. She knew about the development of the brain of most children based on her medical education and through observation drew conclusions. However, she also valued the individual personality of each child. Her methods provide for adjustments for each individual.
When we apply Montessori methods to parenting we, too, are tailoring our parenting styles to our individual children.
With that in mind there are no foolproof plans or items you can add to your environment that will keep your child engaged. There is no formula of items to add to your home that will make your individual child content.
But There Are General Principles to Keep in Mind
Structure: There is an organization to the items in your child’s environment. Everything has its own place. When all things have a place, your child knows where they belong and can get to them independently. There are also set expectations for how the space is to be used and those boundaries are reinforced when challenged.
Freedom: Because you’ve created a structure that is ordered and safe for your child, you can allow your child to have freedom to choose activities that serve them. This freedom of choice allows them to follow their own natural impulses aiding their development. Because you have selected items that are safe, you can trust they’ll be safe without your interference.
Beauty: This doesn’t have to mean expensive wooden toys and perfect materials. It simply means the space is uncluttered and orderly. Include art that draws your child’s attention, or beautiful colors that intrigue your child. Your space reflects you, too, so include things that you find beautiful and add those, as well. Their space should give the child a sense of peace that allows their nervous system to calm.
Community: The prepared environment should allow the child to participate in the community of the family. When we allow the child to take an active role in the family they feel a great sense of pride and membership in their community. Your space should include accommodations for your child to be able to actively participate in the family life.
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Prepare the Environment
Dr. Montessori created an environment where each individual child could interact with the materials or people in it based on their own individual needs at that time. The environment is created following key principles that will engage the child and draw them to act on their own natural impulses to develop.
She also believed that the child’s environment should always be motivating them toward independence.
“The first aim of the prepared environment is, as far as it is possible, to render the growing child independent of the adult.” —Dr. Maria Montessori, The Secret of Childhood
With independence in mind, we must prepare the environment.
What Do We Mean by ‘the Environment’?
This is the space in your home where your child spends time. So, literally everywhere.
Their bedroom, the living room, the play area, the kitchen, the dining room, etc.
Your child’s environment in your home is all over.
Now stop.
You don’t need to work on every area of your home to make it perfect for your child.
But you should take a look at your spaces with your child’s independence in mind.
Can they get on your couch without help?
Can they reach the sink without you holding them?
Can they get in and out of bed without help?
Can they get into their chair for meals without you picking them up?
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What Do We Mean by ‘Independence’?
Independence changes for each child as they grow. A child who is not yet walking has a different definition of independence than a 4-year-old.
When observing your child, think: “Do they ask me to help them often?” And write a list of those things with which your child is always asking for help. No need to fix anything; just note what is being asked. After making this list, highlight any common themes. Maybe your child is always asking for you to get snack. Or your child is asking for help putting on shoes. Maybe your child is always asking for help opening the bin for their toys.
Those themes indicate limits to your child’s independence.
Now It’s Time to Make Adjustments
So, now you know where the limits to your child’s independence are. What do you do with this?
Start with one room. And make one change.
That’s all. (For now.)
Let’s imagine your child is always asking for snack. I know mine is. But I don’t get my daughter's snack. She can independently access her food.
If your child is asking you to get a snack, they can’t get it themselves. So make it accessible.
Place the food on a low shelf or cabinet. Only provide the food you are comfortable with them eating. As you begin this independence journey, only place one of each item, assuming they will take everything available. That way you don’t have to step in and tell your child “no.”
Show your child where the food is. Practice how to open the cabinet. Let them know, “When it's time for snack you may wash your hands, then choose what you’d like.”
As you begin, set things up so you will not step in and do things for your child. Prepare yourself to sit back and allow your child to try it on their own.
After this first time, congratulate yourself for not stepping in, and note anything that you could make easier for your child. For example, open the granola bar wrapper slightly before placing it in the cabinet so your child can open it independently.
Make those changes and try again next snack time.
Keep Observing as Your Child Grows
After you’ve made one change, give it some time and consistency before you see great results. Then move on to another space.
Give yourself time. This doesn’t have to be all at once. That’s too much for you and for your child. Keep this mindset as your child grows because their needs will change.
Montessori parenting doesn’t have to be this expensive toy room with perfectly curated shelves that rotate every two weeks. It just needs to match the needs of your child right now.
Check back next week for more on my How To Get Started Montessori Parenting series.