Perfect Parent—Is It Important For My Child That I Am Always Calm?

This weekend, my daughter kept repeating “Let’s do it!” when we were about to start an activity. I thought, “How does she know that?” My husband gently let me know I say that. Often.

Does your child repeat things you have said? Even if it is something you have said only once? He is absorbing your every action with this absorbent mind Dr. Montessori gave so much importance to.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

As we think of a small child and his absorbent mind, we may not think of all the things he observes by watching us. He’s learning how to open the fridge and get things out. He’s learning how to carry many items at once in his arms. He’s learning how to process emotions and deal with challenges. 

He’s learning how to be a human in this world. 

He absorbs every sight, sound, smell, and word, and he applies that information to his schema as a way to live.

Dr. Montessori told us that the actions of adults are attractive to a child, and he wants to imitate these actions. She also tasked us with providing proper guidance for our children by advising the adult to:

“[Be] calm and act slowly so that the child who is watching him can clearly see his actions.”

That is huge and heavy and powerful. 

Calm? All the Time?

I can’t always be calm. I am stressed and anxious and busy. I rush through things and cut corners to get tasks done quickly.

When I do this, I see my child rush, too, make messes and spill. She gets wild from the energy she’s observing and absorbing.

Dr. Montessori had a very lofty goal for us as caregivers. However, I find that this goal is a great guide for me to be the best version of myself.

I don’t feel good rushing through life and being overwhelmed. I don’t have a sense of pride in what I’m doing if I finish it haphazardly.

This advice to be calm and act slowly is how I want to be for myself, and it’s extra important as I’m setting an example for my child.

Perfection Is Not Required 

Now, I love Dr. Montessori (Maria!), but she really didn’t talk about having grace for yourself as the adult. So, with her advice let's also remember that we are tasked with doing all the things, often at the same time.

That is not easy, and we are going to have to take deep breaths and walk away when it is not possible to be calm.

This is just fine, too. We won’t be perfect examples all the time.

We should not be perfect all the time.  I’ll leave you with one last quotation from Dr. Montessori that may relieve some pressure: “A good teacher does not have to be entirely free from faults and weaknesses.”

If our children see perfect parents they will never learn how to deal with chaos when it takes them over. So take care of you. Then be a calm, thoughtful, deliberate adult as you show your child the world.