Social Practicing: keep your child’s social skills sharp in quarantine

I was building with Mega Blocks. I had a great tower going and I felt pretty confident in my architectural skills when my daughter knocked it down and said, “My ones!”

I looked at her in shock. She’s never claimed anything that way. We take turns and are kind to one another. Then it dawned on me: She’s not a perfect angel, she's just been in school full-time.

No Socialization

Until March 15, she’d had a classroom full of other children to practice taking turns. There were three teachers in the room guiding these unapologetic toddlers through this sticky social skill. In her Montessori classroom there was one of each item and if the item was in use, she waited until it was available.

Now, we are home and she is the only child. Technically she was correct in telling me the Mega Blocks are hers. I don’t have my own set. I didn’t ask her permission to use them. She had been using them before I had, and I just jumped in and shared. She was angry and possessive.

What Will Her Social Life Be Like?

My mind fast-forwarded to when this all ends. She will reenter a classroom full of children. She will have to practice these skills again. Will she be starting from scratch? Have we allowed her to act entitled?

Will she hoard toys when she re-assimilates into civilized culture?

I want to make sure that I am doing my part to keep sharp those skills she worked so hard to learn in school. 

As a teacher I would always notice trends with my students after breaks. They had a hard time waiting and taking turns. At home we, as parents, allow our children to free-play independently. Oftentimes they don’t have the opportunity to practice turn-taking.

If we play with our children, we choose our battles and don’t often push back when play becomes unfair. While playing games we allow them to win or take more than their allotted turns. We cave to their insistence that we play in a very specific way or with a very specific role.

But we aren’t doing our children any favors by doing this.

Sharpen the Skills

Here are a few ways we can keep our kids ready to socialize back in “kid world” without making enemies.

1. Let them know if you don’t want to play the role.

   • ”I would like to choose which animal I am. You may choose your own.”

2. Stop them from taking things out of your hands.

   • “I am using this now. When I am done, it will be available to you.”

3. Truly take turns.

   • “You have taken your turn. It is my turn now.”

4. Provide opportunities for waiting.

   • “I am finishing my work right now. When I am done I will play with you.”

Participate in Fairness

Since we know our children must have these skills to be successful with their peers, we must model for them how to engage in activity. I, for example, should have asked to take a turn using the Mega Blocks. My daughter, like all children, will act respectful to others when she has been respected.

When initiating play with our children, we must:

1. Ask whether you may join their activity.

   • If your child is working with something, ask before touching the toy.

2. Respect your child and don’t play when they say “no.”

   • Don’t push your child after they have turned down your offer.

3. Acknowledge their feelings. 

   • If you child loses a game and is upset let them know that you can see they are sad and that you understand it is hard to lose.

With all this being said, it’s important to still play games with your child and have fun. Just pepper in opportunities to remind them that while they truly are beautiful, wonderful humans, there are other beautiful wonderful humans who need a turn, too.