COVID-19—We Can Continue Even Though It’s Hard

How are you faring? Take a deep breath and let it out as you hiss like a snake until all the air has left your lungs. Now that you are oxygenated, I want to share the remaining tips I have for success in quarantine.

To see my first two tips, check out the blog posted on March 17, “COVID-19—What Do We As Parents Do?”

Ways We Can Calm the Chaos

• Boundaries: Our children are made to push the walls to see whether the house will fall down. When it doesn’t, they know they are safe.
  

  OK, not literally. Well, maybe literally. But our children are looking to make sure that we are reliable.
  

  This topic is a whole blog post in itself, but in terms of quarantined life, it is important to set expectations for your time with and without your children, and to keep those expectations.

  • If you must focus on work, plan a 15-minute chunk of time when you will sit and do your work. Let your child know that you will do this.

  • Use a schedule so the child knows when it is coming.

  • Set a visual timer to show what 15 minutes looks like.

  • Plan to be in the same room as your child but focus on your task.

  • Inevitably your child will come to you. When they do, remind them, “Mommy is working. I will play with you when the timer is finished.”

  • Continue working.
    

  There may be tears and shouting. Acknowledge that “This is hard and I know you feel sad. I will spend time with you when I am done.” Keep working until the full 15 minutes are up. When the timer goes off, go to your child and give them your undivided attention. Love them. Make a physical connection through hug or high-five. Thank them for giving you the time you need to get work done. Tell them you know it is hard.
  

• Trust your child’s abilities: Give your child responsibilities in the house. No matter their age, all people want to feel like part of a group. Each child wants to be a contributing member of the household. Every 2-year-old I’ve met insists on helping with tasks in the home. Too often, we see children as incapable of helping with complex tasks that must be done. But we can break down the task and include the child in the parts they are able to do:

  • Match socks in your clean laundry.

  • Wash the fruit you will cut for dinner.

  • Sort the clean silverware from the dishwasher to the drawer.

See the joy your child gets from helping around the house. Show your child that you see they are trustworthy. The time you spend folding laundry will be so much more entertaining as you do the more intricate work of hanging the shirts on the hanger while your child cheers, “I did it!” as they match a pair of socks.

This experience is still new. We have made and will make mistakes along the way. But the most important part is that we build connections with our children. We can see this as an opportunity to strengthen our bonds. We don’t have a long commute home to take up our time and raise our blood pressure. We aren’t wasting time showering and putting on clean clothes. Instead we’re reading books with our kids and coming back to what is most important .

Let’s commit to keeping ourselves well as we cope. Use the precious time when your child is sleeping to prepare yourself for the coming day. First by eliminating the tasks that must be done, like preparing meals in advance or setting up an art project. But then give yourself the recharge you need to face the new day. Plan to take time throughout the day as well to listen to a podcast or do a meditation to keep you well. You know what they say about that oxygen mask thing. Put yours on first and so on.