How to Meet Your Child’s Needs: Observing, Understanding, Adjusting
How do we know what our children need?
How do we know what they need to be doing or learning? What do I introduce to my child that they will like and that will teach them something? Why is my child screaming right before lunch everyday?
The Best Way to Understand Your Child Is to Observe Them
Dr. Montessori didn’t set out to create schools. She began observing children as a doctor and her observations led to her understanding of the child. As she observed, she began manipulating variables in the environment and watching to see how the children responded. After many observations and many children benefiting from these ideas, she developed a system of learning based on the child manipulating their environment according to their interests.
One of the key elements to a Montessori classroom is the idea of observation. Dr. Montessori knew that not all children are the same and she knew that in order to provide what each child needs, we “follow the child.” The way we do that is to observe.
Observation Tells You What Your Child Needs
In the classroom, guides (a Montessori term for teachers) sit and intentionally observe like a fly on the wall, removing themselves as a variable in the environment. The children in the environment know to pretend as if that person is not there. During this time the guide will observe the whole class or individual children to assess what is needed and what is working.
Parents can do this, too. We are doing it all the time. How do you know when your child is hungry? How do you know your child is tired? The behaviors we observe and the cues your child gives tell us these things.
How to Observe Your Child and Adjust to Meet Their Needs
We may not have the luxury to sit down and have our child pretend we are not there like a fly on the wall. (Wouldn’t that be nice sometimes?) However, we can set an intentional time to observe.
How do I know I need to observe?
When your child is becoming upset over the same event each day for a few days
When your child is acting bored or not playing with toys or materials
When your child is “throwing tantrums” or attempting to gain control
If your child is resistant to bedtime or has a hard time falling asleep
When everything is OK-just to make a practice of noting what is good and “normal” for your child
How do I observe?
Watch when your child is engaged in something and take mental or physical notes.
Be objective as best you can.
Attempt to identify needs being met and how they are met in the moment.
Review your notes when your child is asleep and make a plan to make a small change if necessary and observe the response to the change. Also make sure to give yourself credit for introducing a material that is engaging to your child.
Did you follow that?
If you are struggling to figure out how to make this happen check out my FREE resource exclusively for my subscribers that goes more in depth into how to observe more thoroughly and effectively. I offer 1:1 coaching to guide you through specific issues you may be facing and tailor a plan to fit your family. I can help you refine your observation skills for good.
What Do I Do With The Info?
I will break this down more thoroughly in my next post about how to observe and how to implement changes. If you don’t want to miss blog updates sign up for my newsletter and I’ll send a link to the blog once it’s live.