Pay Attention—Why Doesn't Your Child Sit and Focus for Hours?
As a parent working from home you may be hoping for the day your child can occupy themselves in something for a long while that doesn’t include unrolling your toilet paper roll. You dream of the day when you can focus all your attention on work while their attention is focused on something other than you.
Be Realistic: Attention Develops with Age
As our children age we begin to see them as little people and we watch parts of them mature. Oftentimes we think they should have a longer attention span than what they are developmentally ready for.
As a rule, for children ages 2 years and older, attention should be two to five minutes per year of age. So for a 2-year-old, they may focus on a preferred activity for four to 10 minutes.
**Every child is different. If you have concerns about your child’s attention, speak to their pediatrician. Trust your instincts.**
Identify Preferred Activities vs. Non-Preferred Activities
A preferred activity is something that is driven from an internal interest that needs to be fulfilled and it is unique to the child.
“ The things which are useful to our inner life are those which arouse our interest.” – Dr. Maria Montessori
Setting the table or clearing dishes may not be the thing your child loves to do, and it may not be useful to your child’s inner life. During this non-preferred activity you may find yourself redirecting their attention time and again.
Maybe They Don’t Care: Consider Their Interests
Does this sound familiar? After researching what the best toy is for your child and talking to other parents whose child plays for hours with this toy you create an environment that is ready for some engaged play.
After placing the perfectly chosen toys in your environment you find your child is more engaged in playing with the empty cardboard box. In many cases, no matter how beautiful or expensive a toy is, your child is not interested.
“Our attention is not arrested by all things indifferently but by those which are congenial to our tastes.” – Dr. Maria Montessori
Think about yourself. You have interests that differ from other people in your life. Even the things you know will serve you well you may not choose. I have a rowing machine in my home so I can work out. I see it every day. I walk right past. It doesn’t arouse my interest so I don't use it, even though I know it will benefit me.
Our children are the same. They would benefit greatly in many ways from completing the puzzle you so carefully chose. Yet, they would rather color pictures all morning.
Do We Just Let Them Do What They Prefer?
Yes.
And no.
There are skills that would benefit your child to build, and it is important to make sure they are exposed to items that build those skills. But you can observe your child’s interests and find a way to introduce that skill through a preferred activity.
For example:
Your child needs to build hand strength and fine motor skills. You have shown them how to use a tong to transfer pom poms from bowl to bowl. They have not touched it since you showed them.
By observing and knowing your child, you know that they love building with blocks. Buy LEGO for them to build.
As they clean up, encourage them to take one handful at a time and transfer it to the container, thus building hand strength. They’ll also be refining their fine motor skills as they build with the small pieces.
Attention Is Not Just Sitting Still
Our picture of what paying attention looks like may be a child who is sitting still and quietly focusing on a task. That is not always the case.
Observing your child is very important because you may notice that they are very interested in completing an activity but they are moving around your home. They are paying attention to what they are creating and moving at the same time.
“Our internal world is created upon a selection from the external world, acquired for and in harmony with our internal activities.” – Dr. Maria Montessori
Children need movement and as they are moving they are selecting parts of the external world that fulfill their internal interest. Attention doesn’t require silent stillness at all times.
Provide External Activities That Match Your Child’s Internal Activities
As you choose items for your home I encourage you to think of your specific child rather than advice from Instagram parents or other people in your life.
If your child is not focusing for 20 minutes on bead-stringing like the child you saw on the Montessori Instagram, it doesn’t mean that they can’t pay attention. It just means that bead-stringing is not their thing.
Protect Their Concentration
Work to find the things that attract their attention and when you find those items, do all you can to protect and increase this attention.
How do you do that? I have created a subscriber only FREEBIE, 5 Things You Need to Know About Increasing Your Child’s Attention, to help get you started. Get it here!
Don’t Compare
Each child has their own inner guide. Listen to your child’s inner guide and work to find what their bead-stringing is.
If you are struggling to identify what their inner guide is seeking, please reach out for some 1:1 coaching from me.