COVID-19—What Do We As Parents Do?
I never anticipated that this would be the first topic on my blog. I planned to write about how wonderful Dr. Maria Montessori’s ideas about sensitive periods in children are. However, the reality of what we’re faced with makes writing about that seem very trivial at this point. The reality is that we are faced with a new reality in an unknown territory for an unknown amount of time. We are quarantined.
We’re Doing This for How Long?
There is a sense of excitement right now, but the fear lying just under the surface is palpable. Each parent I’ve spoken with is terrified that they cannot appropriately provide for their children’s needs—to keep them entertained, learning, and feeling loved and calm at home for two days, let alone two or more weeks.
In prior years, we have barely made it through holiday breaks by cobbling together museum visits, family gatherings, and errands that eat time. Now, we are equipped only with the tools we have in our homes and ourselves, the parents with tired brains, who are left to create these opportunities for growth for our children.
On top of these parenting challenges, most of us are working in that same space where we are asked to provide these magical learning opportunities for our children.
The truth is, this is going to be hard and we are going to have moments when we are not the best parents. The beauty of Dr. Montessori’s work is that she set the framework for how to observe and see our children for whole humans who have needs but are resilient. We can draw on her teachings during tough times like these.
Ways We Can Calm the Chaos
Routine: It is proven that we all need to know what is coming next, especially in times of uncertainty. Just think of how you are feeling now. With children, we can start small. We must prepare them for what is coming in the day in small, appropriate chunks.
“We will have breakfast, then we will go for a walk.”
“First you will have reading time, then we will have a snack, and last is your choice.”
If your child is reading or writing, use a written schedule that they can refer to in times of uncertainty. If your child is younger, use pictures. Give them the information they need to feel less lost.
Trust your child’s emotional intelligence: We don’t want to burden our children with our fears and uncertainty in this time. The most common way of doing this is to simply not tell your child anything and go on as if everything is all right.
But our children learn everything from us, starting from birth. When we suppress emotion or keep information from our child, they intuit that something is wrong and because of their ego development they assume is has something to do with them. You may notice your child is more clingy or more “moody” lately. They are reading the underlying fear in us and they are looking for connection to assure them that they are OK and not bad.
Give them respect by telling them what is happening. Use terms that they can understand. Be confident and limit the amount of info you share, taking care not to give them more information than they can handle.
Let them know: “There are people who are sick right now. We are going to be home for a while so that we can stay healthy and help other people stay healthy.” Let the discussion from there be guided by questions from your child and keep your answers brief.
Let them know whether you are feeling anxious and follow up by telling them how you are coping with that anxiety. Guide them through a deep-breathing exercise. Build time into your daily routine for yoga and mindfulness so you can model for your child how to manage these emotions. Just because your fears are not vocalized in front of your child doesn’t mean you are protecting your child. They feel it. Let them know you’ve got it under control and show them how you do it. Of course, it’s also important to actually do the personal work to really get that under control so you can cope.
Go do something for yourself that has nothing to do with your children. After you’ve finished The Circle on Netflix, then let me help you in a more personal way. I offer phone consults so we can keep our commitment to flattening the curve. I have more ideas for how to cope with quarantine coming next week.