I’m Moving House. What Can I Do to Help My Child Prepare?
Moving homes is one of the biggest stress-causing events in one’s life. And when your life has only been a few years long, this may be your first stressful event.
Children feel the effects of moving very deeply, as they are losing a connection with the world they have come to know. But we as adults can help them: We can provide structure that establishes a sense of security, even when things are unpredictable for our children. We just need to prepare ourselves.
How to Help Your Child Cope Before, During, and After You Move
In Dr. Maria Montessori’s work, she introduced the concept of a prepared environment. This prepared environment provides structure, freedom, and beauty.
When a home is in the process of moving, it provides none of these things. The stack of boxes is not beautiful and it is also limiting the child’s freedom, since it is making the space less safe.
So structure is the only remaining item we can provide. But providing structure during this chaotic time can be difficult, and it takes some real forethought and planning. Below are some tips for helping your child and yourself at each step of the moving process.
Preparing
Plan how the day will go. Include in this planning all adults who will be involved in the move.
Tell your child that you will be moving before you pack anything—and don’t do this more than 30 days ahead of the move.
Display a visual measurement of time. Make a paper chain with the number of days before the move and have your child remove one link each day when they wake up.
Show pictures of your new place to help your child know what it will look like. For older children, show them a layout of the house.
Packing
Talk about what packing is before you start. Show your child what items you will use to pack (boxes, tape, markers, bubble wrap, etc.).
Give your child a small box and markers so they can write their name on it. Allow them to pack items in that box that they feel are important to them.
Keep their bedroom as normal as possible for as long as possible by packing those items last.
Place boxes out of the way visually so your child isn’t constantly reminded of the move, which can make them feel anxiety.
Answer questions they have about the boxes, the tape, what you are packing, etc., and be present as you answer.
As you pack, remind your child that you will be bringing all the things to your new place.
Moving Day
Plan how the day will be for your child, and then talk to your child about the plan a day or two before.
If you have movers, talk to your child about how you have given the movers permission to touch your belongings and be in your space.
Give your child the chance to stop in each room of your old house and say goodbye as a family.
Check in emotionally with your child as you leave your home. Avoid trying to make it OK by talking up the new house. Be honest with them about how you feel, as well.
Pack all the child’s bedroom items on the truck last so they can be the first things off the truck and you can get the bedroom settled.
If your child has a comfort item (stuffed animal, blanket, etc.), let them carry that with them instead of packing it.
Also have your child pack a backpack with you. Include a few items like books or crayons and paper to use while waiting for the move to finish.
Plan to stay near your child as much as possible. If you have a partner with you, take turns so your child has a steady person to help them feel safe.
Once all your child’s items have been unloaded, set up the bed and sheets and put some clothes in the drawers and a few toys on shelves so it feels like your old home.
Settling In
Orient to your child’s bedroom by looking around and noticing things—different walls and ceilings, what the light fixtures look like—so they can know their space and feel safe.
Orient to the whole space, beginning with your child’s room as the center so they know how to get to places from their space (especially for those nighttime wake-ups).
Be sure to place things at your child’s level or provide accommodations like a stool so that they can reach the things that allow them independence.
Add nightlights to the hallways so your child can see when getting up to use the bathroom or to run to your room for comfort.
Expect your child to need you more in the early days and expect that they will wake a few times in the night needing you.
Expect some displaced anger, frustration, or hyper energy as they are feeling many different emotions at one time and may not have a more appropriate way to express themselves.
The First Week
Make yourself available to your child and be aware of when they are seeking connection.
Expect regressions in sleep and toileting and prepare to be calm when these occur.
Expect that your child will want help more than normal. Do things with them instead of for them, but don’t force them to do everything independently; they are searching for security.
Walk around the neighborhood and help your child understand spatially where you live in comparison to the places you are walking. Start by walking just the block around your home and work your way out later.
Keep your daily sequence the same as it was in your last home.
Moving Is Tough, So Be Kind and Patient—With Your Child and Yourself
These tips will help you prepare, but your move is still likely to be stressful. Remember to show yourself some compassion, and to extend that compassion to your child as they cope with their new surroundings.
And remember to clearly label the box that holds your wine glasses, because that may need to be among the first ones you open.