Help Your Child Focus and Stay Grounded by Creating a Daily Sequence
With a new year comes change—a chance to shed what isn’t working and build something new. A predictable, consistent sequence of events that matches the needs of your child is highly important to help them. Children need consistency to feel secure. When we provide a predictable sequence each day, our children will feel safe.
Create a Predictable Sequence That Follows Your Child’s Needs
Children do not have a concept of time, so our routine does not follow time on a clock but rather a sequence of events.
Before lunch, you go to the bathroom and wash hands.
After lunch, you wash your hands and face and go to nap.
That sequence of events becomes familiar to your child. With familiarity, your child feels safe. And when children feel safe, their need to assert control is less because they have grown to expect the sequence.
Observe Your Child to Gather Information That Will Inform Your Sequence
Each child’s unique needs must be considered when you are creating a plan for your day.
"One of the first essentials for any adult who wishes to help small children is to learn to respect the different rhythm of their lives instead of trying to speed it up, in the vain hope of making it synchronize with ours."
—Dr. Maria Montessori
Since every child is different, we must observe the needs and patterns of each child to create the most effective sequence. Check out my blog post about how to observe.
Just like adults, some children thrive in the morning and others do better in the afternoon/evening. If you’ve observed that your child is a morning person, build focused concentration-type activities in the morning. If they are more alert in the afternoon, use the morning for long walks and big movement and save the concentration for the afternoon.
I have lots of resources about observation available exclusively to my email subscribers. I also have a worksheet for examining the needs of your child and creating a new sequence based on those needs.
Observe Your Own Rhythms to Make Sure Your Needs Are Met, Too
We most likely have identified patterns within ourselves and can make observations about our own rhythms. I know that I must eat breakfast first thing in the morning. So I build that into the sequence of our day and eat with my daughter.
Make a space for yourself in the sequence. When your needs are met, you too will feel more at peace and prepared to continue to meet your child’s needs.
Build Movement into Your Child’s Sequence
When planning your sequence, be mindful of movement. Children will not be successful if they go from one seated activity to another multiple times.
If you have screen time (TV or computer/iPad), add a movement activity directly after. If you are going to be seated for lunch, plan a walk beforehand. The younger the child, the more movement is required.
Factor Sleep into Your Sequence
Don’t forget to work into your sequence things that provide optimal sleep for your child.
If your child must nap at 11:30, keep a shorter morning sequence but make sure to include lots of movement and sensory activities to allow for optimal sleep. If your child can’t seem to wind down for bedtime, add some sensory activities and then slow-down activities before bed.
Shed What Hasn’t Been Working
Reflect on the stressful moments of your day and brainstorm ways to shift the sequence of events.
If you find yourself struggling to get your child out of the house for a walk right after breakfast, try a slow ease into the day with a few books and play before going outside.
We don’t need to struggle with the ways we have been doing things. If it’s stressful to you, it’s stressful for your child.
Prepare Your Child Visually or Verbally
When you add something new to your child’s life, they must know what to expect, and its best to prepare in advance. Throughout the transition to a new routine your child must be reminded at each step what is coming next.
Verbal preparation
Tell your child what you will do first, what the next activity is, and what you’ll do after.
First we eat, then we play; after that, we’ll go for a walk.
With preparation, the transitions will be less of a surprise and should ease resistance.
Visual preparation
When using a visual schedule, set out two or three photos of the activities your child will engage in. Lay the photos from left to right in the proper sequence. Carry the schedule with you to refer to each activity and alter as you complete.
Have Patience
The acclimation process to a new routine can be long—two weeks or more. Keep consistent even if your feel like it hasn’t had the results you were expecting. Make observations along the way to see whether there is something small that can be changed.
Review the sequence with all who are with your child and prepare the other adult caregivers to use the same language and tools you use.
And be proactive about changing your sequence to meet your child’s changing needs. We often settle into a routine and keep it for months without shifting and adjusting to our growing children.
Establishing a Sequence Can Create Peace—for Your Child and for You
When your daily sequence meets the needs of your child, they will find more peace within themselves as they know what to expect.
You’ll find your child more engaged in toys and activities because they aren’t anxious about what’s to come. Your child will make fewer attempts to assert control because they know that the structure for the day is in place and that you are there to reinforce it.
I Can Help
When we work together I will guide you through observing your child and together we will review the observations and create a sequence. I will provide support as you implement the sequence and help make changes if needed to best fit your child and your family.