Yes, Your Child Can Develop a Love of Nature Living in the City. You Just Need to Help Foster It.
Living in a city with kids can be tough. For many reasons. Lack of space, lots of stairs, limited parking. But as a Montessorian, one of the biggest struggles I have is, “How can I make sure my child connects with nature while living in the city?”
Is City Life Appropriate for Kids?
I regularly read Dr. Maria Montessori’s work to refresh myself on her ideas and to be inspired to keep working toward the goal of preparing my daughter for independence.
The other day I stumbled upon this passage referring to living in the city:
“We have readily given up our own freedom and have ended up loving our prison and passing it on to our children.”
—Dr. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child
Yeah, Dr. Montessori was harsh. I felt a great shame when I read this. Our prison?! That is not my goal for living in the city. I felt defensive and kind of mad.
After some self-reflection I realized that I reacted this way because her strong statement speaks to a deep fear I have: Am I holding my child back? Is the life I chose the appropriate life for my child?
Yes, City Life Can Be Appropriate for Kids—If We Let Them Be Free
As I continued reading I came upon this clarifying quotation:
“The most important thing to do is to free the child if possible from the ties which keep him isolated in the artificial life of the city.”
—Dr. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child
This sentiment inspires me to live life closer to Dr. Montessori’s expectations. She has set a high bar for parenting but at the heart of her philosophy is a simple, straightforward belief: freedom for the child.
What It Means to Let Children Be Free
Parents don't need more shame. We need compassion. We need support in the form of guidance.
However, with that said, we also often need a refresher on what our children need. This refresher can shake us from our routine and awaken us from the fog of our daily stressors to realize that what works for us developed adults may not be what works for our children as they explore the world.
“Let the children be free; encourage them; let them run outside when it is raining; let them remove their shoes when they find a puddle of water; and, when the grass of the meadows is damp with dew, let them run on it and trample it with their bare feet.”
—Dr. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child
How You Can Foster Freedom for Your Child
I get defensive when I read Dr. Montessori’s text because I know she is right. I don’t want to create a prison for my child that extinguishes her love for nature. I don’t want her to develop fear that nature will harm her.
We create a prison of sorts by limiting our children from exploring freely. We limit them because we have had certain experiences that have given us the impression that we must control certain behaviors. Maybe your kiddo got wet and then was so cold they cried all the way home. Maybe your kiddo took their shoes off and stepped on a sharp object in your yard.
Both things are true: Some explorations lead to rough experiences and we must allow our children freedom to experience nature. To keep this balance, we need to shift our thinking.
As Always, It’s Important to Follow the Child
Questions I ask myself to recenter on what I want for my daughter:
What can I prepare so I don’t say no?
If I want to say no to jumping in puddles, what would allow me to say yes? Extra clothes, a wet bag, extra shoes, or rain boots.
What would happen if …?
What would happen if she ran through the field without shoes on? Can I make it better? Check for dog poop and sharp things. Bring a first aid kit and a washcloth to clean her feet.
Why am I limiting her behavior?
Why can’t she touch the flowers? Can I show her how to be gentle so she won’t damage them?
Is there a place where it is appropriate to touch flowers and when can I take her there?
Dr. Montessori has a guiding philosophy, yes, but my true guide is my daughter. She shows me what it important and I must follow her lead. When she asks during a rainstorm, “Can I go on the balcony?” I now say yes. Each time it rains I offer her the choice of going outside so she can experience the rain on her skin.
She leads me to what she needs. I just need to get out of her way and make it possible.
“Only poets and little children can feel the fascination of a tiny rivulet of water flowing over pebbles. A child at such a sight will laugh with joy and want to stop to touch it with his hands as if to caress it.”
—Dr. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child